Words don't do justice to the ceremony I participated in this weekend. Visions, journeys into the depths of my mind and body, sensations I’ve never felt before and a clear message that my path ahead is going to be a difficult one is only part of what happened. And I remember it all as clear as day.
I don’t think I was fully aware of what I was getting into when Gabriela first told me about Ayahuasca. She had never done it before either, but spiritual journeys seem to call out to us. While we’re definitely here in Cusco to have a good time, we’re not here to go out and drink every night and put notches on our bedposts in the process. Spending the weekend in Pisaq with a community of like-minded, spiritually guided people couldn’t appeal more.
I’ll start from the beginning. Around 6 pm Friday evening, Gabriela and I met up with a couple of Ayahuasca regulars, Denise and Bobby (Bobby is Gab’s good friend), as well as one of Gab’s roommates, Lilly, who just came back from the mountains where she was learning about the textile industry. We climbed into 2 cabs, taxied to a taxi/bus “station” about a mile away and climbed into another taxi to get to Pisaq. The ride is about ½ hour and as we climbed out of Cusco and into the Sacred Valley, I remember looking up at the clear night sky and marveling at the brightness of the stars and assuring myself that what I was about to do was extremely special.
We switched to yet another taxi when we got to Pisaq and drove to Melissa Wasi, a retreat in Pisaq owned by Diego and his wife, Milagros. Bobby and Denise led us down a lighted pathway to Diego’s house, a beautiful structure with quietly imposing beams and enough windows to light the space during the day without electricity. The compound also contains housing for guests who come for longer retreats and the temple, where we would spend the rest of the night.
Diego and Milagros' beautiful house that I didn't actually see until morning.
The beautiful, beautiful temple
Inside their house, we met the other ceremony participants: a couple of Australian women passing through Peru, a Peruvian family (no kids), an American, a Brazilian couple and a small group of regulars. We shared tea and sat by the fire as Diego gave us an orientation. There were rules (to try) to follow, particularly keeping the door to the temple closed at all times and to maintain a noble silence – that is, until the drink (medicine) kicks in and whatever happens beyond that point is fine (so long as the door stays closed). Noble silence is not new to me, and Diego emphasized its importance with 3 simple words: Holding the space.
As a therapist, that’s what I do. As a massage teacher, that’s what I teach. And as a person, that’s how I’m trying to live. I can honor noble silence. At least until the medicine kicks in.
Another detail of the ceremony is the buckets. As in vomit buckets. Yes, this ceremony has the power to turn the emotionally rooted toxins in your body into a physical purge. Everyone gets a bucket.
After the orientation, we left the house and walked to the temple, about 100 feet away. There was a small “mud room” of sorts where we left our backpacks, shoes, etc., grabbed some cushions and entered the temple. The temple is a circular room with bedding-like cushions all along the walls and a teepee-like hole in the roof (it was closed for this ceremony). We each took a few blankets from the pile by the door and settled in. I sat next to Gabriela. At 9 pm, Diego began the ceremony. He lighted 3 candles and said a couple of prayers in Quechua and then, one by one, we each came up and knelt in front of Diego as he poured what he deemed enough medicine for each person (you can bet that we newbies got a lighter dose).
When it was my turn, I remember almost floating from my seat to kneel in front of Diego. We held eye contact for what seemed like 5 minutes and he smiled, poured me about half a cup of medicine, said a small prayer and handed it to me. The cup was heavier than I thought it would be, so I took it with both hands, held it close to me, said my own prayer, held the cup over my head and said, “Caupayra,” ('m sure I've spelled it wrong) the Quechuan word for “to life” (and everyone returns the salute) before drinking the concoction in 3 gulps.
I must interject that when I told my mother what I was planning to do this weekend, she wasn’t very supportive of the idea. Leaving Cusco with a bunch of people I barely know, going to a stranger’s house to drink a potion that’s going to put me on a “higher spiritual plain,” and then spending the night there… Yeah, ok, it sounds a little crazy when you read it, but it never felt that way. It always felt right.
So, I finished my drink, thanked Diego and walked back to my cushioned, blanket-laden spot. After the last few people drank, Diego cut the lights and we sat there in the dark. At first, my thoughts were normal ones, thinking about class, the pair of shoes I just bought, etc. and then, like a light switch, my mind went psychedelic. It was like someone turned on a neon green and blue kaleidoscope in my brain and there was a soundtrack accompanying it.
I don’t know how long that part lasted, only that I had a few moments of fear and then, thankfully, was able to just go with it. I was sensitive to every sound around me. Doors closing, bodies shuffling, heavy breathing. The kaleidoscope part eventually went away and my thoughts became clear and heavy. If I wanted to touch base with reality I could open my eyes and the blurry darkness was there, but I didn’t really want to. I was eager to let my mind and body connect as intimately as possible and the only way to do it was to keep my eyes closed.
After some time, Diego asked if anyone wanted more medicine. I know I was unable to move – my body felt like 1,000 pounds – but apparently someone did go up for more (a regular – someone who is accustomed to functioning under the influence of the medicine). Moving wasn’t going to happen for me for quite a while, and I was fine with that.
Soon after, the vomiting began. It was all around me, but because I was in my own bubble/on my own journey it didn’t bother me. I knew early on when the medicine started taking its effect that I wasn’t going to vomit. My issues lie deep, and unfortunately this wasn’t the night I was going to start purging them.
And just when I thought I couldn’t handle it anymore, Diego started playing his guitar and singing medicine songs. The regulars joined in. Someone had a wooden flute. The music was so beautiful and served as an anchor for me to the world outside of my body.
The ceremony ended around 2 or 3 in the morning. Diego lighted the candles again and said a few more prayers, thanking Pachamama and all of us for honoring the sacredness of the space and each other. By then, the effects of the medicine had worn off for most people and we began to share our experiences. Gabriela and I stayed close and I shared a lot of what I went through with her. Diego came and sat with each of us and listened to our stories, and when he got to me, I told him how scared I was of the path ahead. His words were reassuring and he reminded me that he didn’t get to where he was overnight – he had a lot of purging to do – and he said a few more things that hit home hard.
Every journey is different and personal, so I won’t go into full detail about what I experienced. I can tell you that I talked a lot, saying things like “Just let go,” “You have to be free,” and I pounded my right hip with my fist at one point. I also made myself painfully aware that the journey ahead is going to be scary and difficult, but rewarding. I need to participate in more of these ceremonies, but how I process all of this will determine when I return. It could be next month, or even next week.
Many of us spent the night in the temple, comfortably snuggled under layers of blankets. I woke around 10 am and the little group that I came with lingered on the compound (it’s unbelievably beautiful) until about 1:30 before finally heading back to the main square in Pisaq, where we hunkered down at the Blue Llama restaurant for a few hours on their comfy couches and ate, shared our experiences and napped (it was pretty empty so the staff didn’t mind).
Hanging out in Pisaq
The Blue Llama
Gabriela and I slipped out at one point so she could buy a drum. I purchased a beautiful dream catcher made with condor feathers (the condor was an extremely important animal to the Incans). We headed back to Cusco around 6 pm with Denise while Bobby and Lilly stayed over in Pisaq for one more night.
Today is a working day for me. Lots of homework to catch up on. But I’m different now. That’s for sure.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
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drink up, baby down
ReplyDeletemmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like
so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
im always here for you love!
Love you, sis. Always here for you.
ReplyDelete